The Dark Night of the Soul

 Sometimes it sneaks up on you.  Little by little, slowly seeping in. Covering every inch, every pore, and every bit of your being. Settling in like a heavy, wet, unwanted blanket.  Shutting out all the light. Until there is only a dull grey left.  That is if you are lucky.  Sometimes it ALL turns to black. Or it can come slamming down like the curtain on a bad play. Wham. Darkness. Overwhelming sadness.  Unshakable, unforgiving, all consuming.  No rhyme or reason.  It could be brought on by a memory, a phone call, a passage in a book, a look, a conversation, something that happened or didn't happen. It happens because of something or nothing at all. Sometimes it catches you unaware, and other times it creeps upon you -  slow, agonizing, deliberate, unrelenting. You know its happening, but you can't stop its progression.  It hurts.  It hinders.  It suffocates.  It overwhelms. It sucks the very life out of you. It takes away the joy, the ambition, the drive, the desire.  It steals minutes, hours, or sometimes days from your life. Precious time you can’t recover.  You know this somewhere deep inside and yet you are at a loss as to how to shake its vice-like grip. It’s like swimming in the ocean and getting caught in a rip-tide current.  It sucks you under, steals your strength, takes away your will to breath, and saps your energy until you are at the mercy of the current.... sweeping you out, deeper and deeper. Darker and darker. When you are caught in its grip -  it seems unending.

Life’s demands make it impossible to curl in a tight ball in a dark corner and shut out the world. Getting out of bed is agony. Muscles hurt for no reason.  Taunt, tight, they resist stretching.  Joints ache.  The weight is almost too much to carry.  The despair is there, lurking under the surface, threatening to bubble up and take over. Wave after wave, you force it back down, trying to force a retreat. You struggle to go about your day, do your job, be a wife, a mother, a therapist, a friend, a helper, a consoler, a confidant, a teacher, a business owner, a mentor, a daughter, a cheerleader, a sister, a fan, a cook, a maid, a help-mate.  It’s not easy, putting on the mask and trying to make other’s believe everything is ok.  It’s an energy sapping, mind numbing minute by minute struggle. Somehow you manage to carry on. To smile. To talk. To pretend that everything is ok. 

Until finally, eventually, somehow it is ok.  Little by little it recedes again.  The sun shines and joy returns. The darkness is just a distant, haunting memory. But haunt you it does.  Because you know it will return.  You just don’t know when or why or how.  All you can do is hope and pray and try to build up your defenses for the next time it comes.  Hoping that it won’t break you next time either. 

The Dark Night of the Soul. The Blues. A state of Sadness. Feeling Blah. Heaviness of Heart. Melancholy. Depression. Whatever you want to call it..... It hurts.  It weakens you.  It wounds the spirit. Sucks the life out of your soul. It makes you ache and lose hope. Depression is real.  Dealing with it is a constant battle. One must stay vigilant in the fight, so that it doesn't overtake you and make you want to do the unthinkable. You must keep telling yourself that this too shall pass. The sun will shine again.  Life will be beautiful and worth living again.  The bad will pass and goodness will once again reign. You will make it.  You will be OK. Your sorrow will not be in vain.  The fight will be worth it. You have God’s eternal promise.  

Isaiah 41:10 – So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 James 1:12 -- Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.