Dear Daddy

December 20, 2011

Dear Daddy,
This letter is 3 years too late I know.  There was so much I should have told you but time ran out.  I didn't even realize the clock was ticking.  If only I could have known, all the things I would said and done differently.  I'm sorry Daddy.  I'm sorry for all the times I disappointed you.  I'm sorry for all the times I let you down and didn't do as you wanted and expected.  I'm sorry for all the tears you shed because of me. I'm sorry for all the sleepless nights and worry lines I caused to appear on your dear face. I'm sorry that I never said thank you enough.  I'm sorry I didn't call more and visit more and do more for you.  I'm sorry for all the times I was impatient and didn't take the time to listen. I'm sorry for all the times I seemed indifferent and uncaring and defiant. I'm sorry I never told you thank you for all the sacrifices you made for me and for all the prayers you said for me.  (And they numbered in the thousands of multitudes I know!)

Thank you for all the time you spent with me.  For all the hikes we took and the times we got "lost".  For all the breakfasts you made for me - granted the oatmeal with everything in it wasn't so great, and neither was the green bread - but the soft scrambled eggs and liver was the tops! You taught me how to drive and to depend on no one but myself.  Every useful thing I know how to do, came from you - how to pray, grow a garden, milk, to can/preserve what you harvest, making homemade bread, cooking, changing a flat tire, changing the oil/brakes/ etc on a car, driving a stick, how to make change, how to live a healthy lifestyle  - I learned so much from you it would take volumes to list it all.  I can't thank you enough for imparting some of your vast knowledge to me. You knew so much about so many different things, you never ceased to amaze me.  Sitting in your Health Food Store listening to you talk to the customers about many varied subjects I was in awe.  There wasn't anything that you didn't know something about.  I saw your willingness to help others and put yourself last on so many different occasions.

Your life was not an easy one and you were not always easy to live with.  Now that I am older with children of my own I understand better now.  I can't imagine the stress and strain you were under trying to raise young girls alone. Not to mention you had a business that quite often didn't make enough to pay for itself let alone all the necessities needed at home.  Plus all the work that goes into keeping up with household and car repairs and general maintenance. I wish I had had the knowledge and patience to understand then.  I'm sorry Daddy. I wish I had helped you more and not been so selfish and self-centered and impatient and wanting.

Thank you for all the times you welcomed me back home with open arms.  I know I was such a disappointment to you in my youth.  I can only hope that later in life I was able to make you somewhat proud of me.  Thank you for loving all of my children and playing with them. They miss you so much!  Thank you for all the bike rides, kite flying, swimming, pranks, talking, walking, ice cream churning, weed pulling, building and planting that you did with them.  You were and still are their beloved "Bompa".

Thank you for all the efforts you made over the years to make sure I knew my Faith.  All the long trips we made so we could get to Mass - I know I didn't appreciate them at the time, but now I do.  Thank you for teaching me to pray.  Your life was a constant prayer.  Even when you were busy with other things, you were still praying.  You never stopped reading and learning and doing for others.  You never worried much about yourself or your own comfort, but you made sure others had what they needed. You worried so much about the future and providing food and basic comforts for those who might need it, that you neglected taking care of the things that would have made your own life easier. You lived the life of a humble servant of God.

I miss your hugs Daddy.  I miss hearing you call me sweets.  I miss being introduced as your baby girl.  I miss picking up the phone to call you when I had a question only you could answer. I miss hearing your laugh.  I miss the excited voices of my children yelling "Bompa! Bompa!"  I miss seeing you sitting at my dining room table.  I miss hearing your stories.  I miss everything about you!

You lived a faithful life of being a servant of God.  Your devotion to our Blessed Mother was evident. Your life was a constant prayer.  Your life was never easy, and it seemed as if you always had to try and try again in order for things to work out.  You never gave up.  I know there were numerous times you wanted to.  And there were times you took a rest.  But you always came back to the task at hand and tried to finish and make it work. You lived a life of perseverance and unwavering faith. Your morals and work ethic were unequaled.  You never gave up.  I learned so much from you, and want so much to be more like you.

When you left us three years ago, my world fell apart.  I lost my anchor and my mentor.  I lost the one constant in my life. I lost the one person I could count on no matter what. I lost the only one who always forgave all my misdeeds and shortcomings and never held a grudge against me. I lost the only parent I ever really had. I lost the man that raised me, taught me right from wrong and always forgave me when I did wrong instead of right.  I lost my biggest supporter and the first man I ever loved.  Your leaving left a hole that I now know will never be filled.

I know that you are still watching over me.  I know that you are still praying for me.  I know that you are being richly rewarded for your unwavering faith and love of God.  I wouldn't bring you back even if I could, but I just wish I could have one more hour - I really want a whole day - but that seems too greedy! I wish I could see you one more time, to tell you all the things I neglected to tell you. To receive your blessing one last time.  To thank you.  To feel you hug me one more time.  To tell tell you that you did the best you could - and that your best was pretty darn amazing!  I love you Daddy - You are forever in my heart.
Love,
Your baby girl