you just can't reason with a goat

i have a love hate relationship with goats.  i love to hate them! this relationship has been ongoing in my life for as long as i can remember.  let me give you a little background.....

i spent my entire childhood chasing goats.  Daddy kept a small herd of Nubian goats.  there is almost nothing cuter than a baby Nubian goat.  they have the longest softest ears.  long eyelashes, sleepy eyes and twitching tails.
then they grow up......

to be honest the fence Daddy had built was not really goat worthy. (in Daddy's defense tho, he really didn't have much time to devote to building a proper fence. He worked 6 days a week from 9 until 6 or later at his Health Food Store) the fence was electric but the problem with electric fences and goats is if they get shocked the goat is going to keep going in the same direction it was headed when it got shocked. goats do not back up and retreat!  goats are also very good jumpers.  they can easily clear a 6 foot fence if they so desire. and if a goat has a desire to go nibble on a brier 3 counties away - it will go.... never mind what obstacle may be in the way....

but to continue.... i spent my entire childhood chasing goats.  in the mornings before school it was my job to go feed and milk them with my dad.  as i got older that job fell to me alone.  after missing the bus several mornings due to the fact that i had to go find the goats first in order to get them into the barn to milk them i finally got smart and started penning them up at night. i would however let them out into the field to graze during the day once the milking was finished. i could always count on returning home from school to find them standing on the side of the road, or in the middle of the road, or in the driveway, or up on top of one of the many wrecked vehicles that lined the driveway .  imagine my embarrassment to come home everyday on the bus to find the goats out. and of course everyday i had to hear "hey mary your goats are out" this would always be followed by hysterical laughter. i would cringe and slink off the bus trying to be invisible.  the goats would run up to me baaaaaing their hellos.the bus would pull away and the laughter would echo and linger.....

have i mentioned that i hate goats?

i decided that in the mornings after milking i would leave the goats in the barn and once i got home from school i would let them out.  well needless to say when Daddy discovered what i was doing i got in BIG trouble! the milk production dropped and i had no choice but to let them out again in the mornings. i begged and pleaded with the goats the whole time i was milking them.  i begged them to just stay put in the field while i was away at school.  i promised them all kinds of treats if only they would behave and be good goats. my begging and bribery seemed to work because that day the goats were not standing in the middle of the road, nor were they standing on the side of the road.  I was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when a blur caught my eye.  the goats had been laying in wait for the bus. here they all came flying down the bank and lickety split slid across the road in front of the bus. our poor bus driver let out a scream and slammed on the brakes. all the goats remained unscathed.  i guess they thought it was great fun after that because invariably if they were not standing in plain sight i could count on them to come flying down the bank, slip and slid across the road in front of the bus and then with tails twitching they would sash shay on down the other bank to the barn.

have i mentioned that i hate goats?

in the summer it would be my job to watch them and make sure they stayed out of our gardens.  needless to say that was a full time job.  they had plenty of grass and weeds and trees and briers and blackberry bushes to eat if only they would stay inside their fence.  but they figured the grass/trees/weeds/briers were always greener way over on the other side. i would always chase them back inside the fence and watch them for a bit to make sure they were staying put.  i would no sooner turn my back and go back to riding my bike, or building my fort, or reading my book and i would hear one of my sisters yell "Mary the goats are out!"

have i mentioned that i hate goats?

the goats continued to be my nemesis until i graduated high school. on the day i left for college my daddy sold the goats......

after rex and i were married and we were building our fences and planning our farm i told my husband that i was up for raising any animal except goats.  in fact i distinctly remember telling him that if he brought home goats i would divorce him that very day!

have i mentioned that i hate goats?

finally our fences were complete.  six strands of tight barb wire. six feet high. perfect for keeping in horses, cows, sheep, llamas, whatever we decided to raise, our fence was ready to confine animals! i was so excited i couldn't wait to get started gathering animals and being a farmer's wife - tho in reality i would be doing most of the farming as my husband worked a 12 hr day, 5 days a week.  i was pumped. i was excited. i was ready to get started on our new adventure!

my husband soon brought home .........ten goats!! TEN! (yes, i am still married to the man!) once the dust finally settled i had to admit that they were cute and pretty. and they seemed pretty innocent standing in the trailer looking at me with their big beautiful shining eyes. and our fence was way better built than the fence of my childhood.  and the babies were really really cute and soft and our kids were already clamoring to keep them.  and my husband kept saying," honey i got em for a really good deal"(those words should have sent off warning bells in my head because whenever my dad had gotten a really good deal on something the outcome was never good.......) the pleadings from my children proved to be too much to overcome and i caved.  We put the goats out to pasture and they were soon very happily frolicking and playing and eating. life was good. until...... i went into the house to start supper and my children came running in yelling the dreaded words "the goats are out!!"

have i mentioned that i hate goats?

from that time forward every time i turned around the goats were out. the neighbors would call upset because the goats were in their yard eating their flowers.  now mind you we had 8 acres of fenced in woods, creek, grass, weeds, briers, flowers, honeysuckle, leaves, acorns, anything a goat could imagine it wanted to eat was within those 8 fenced in acres.  but if one of the goats caught a glimpse of something yummy 1/2 a mile away in the neighbors yard there they would all go lickety split. never paying my 6ft high, 6 tight strands of barbed wire fence a bit of attention.  we added a couple of strands of electric to try and dissuade them.  all to no avail. if a goat got it in its head it was going to go eat a twig in the neighbors yard it was going come hell or high water! i soon reached the conclusion that you just can't reason with a goat! and i've never met a goat that has proved me wrong!

have i mentioned that i hate goats? :-)

learning to let go

i'll admit it.  i have a hard time letting go.  i feel like i have to be in control. i need to be in control.   letting go has never been easy for me.  whether it be letting go of past hurts, grudges, disappointments, anger, animosity, or other people..... letting go is a challenge for me.

as i near another birthday i find myself reflecting more and more on the changes in my life, the things that still need to change, and the things that can't change that i just need to deal with or let go.

i can't change the fact that i did things while growing up that hurt or disappointed my dad.  i can't change the fact that i didnt tell him how much i loved him and how thankful i was for the way he raised me and the sacrifices he willing endured for my benefit and well being. i cant seem to let go of the case of the "should've's" that i have. but at the same time i know it's not healthy for me to hang on to that feeling. i am slowing learning to change my thinking that when a "should have" memory comes along i try to replace it with an " i did do this..." memory. its not easy and 2 1/2 years later i still struggle......

i have a hard time letting go of my children as they get older and go off to college.  i want to be there with them saying do this, no don't do that.  i want to keep them from making the mistakes i did. i want things to be perfect for them so they dont have to suffer hurts or disappointments like i did  i want to make sure they are making healthy choices.  that they are getting enough sleep at night.  that they are studying and doing their homework.  but i know i cant be there to hold their hand 24/7.  i know that in order for them to grow that they are going to have to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. to become functioning adults in society they are going to have to learn to manage their time and money wisely.  i have to learn to trust that we raised them to know right from wrong and to know the advantages of making good healthy decisions and to be self-sufficient.  but still my mother's heart aches when a choice they made comes back and hurts them. i struggle to not hold them too close, to let them be free and fly and soar......

letting go is not my forte. but in order to grow i have to let go.  i have to let go of everything that is holding me back from becoming the person God intended for me to be. i am getting better but im not there yet.......