it happened again. i got a cold shower. i really wanted a hot one but i got a cold one instead. why is it that i always get the cold shower? in the rush of Sunday morning trying to get everyone (here the term everyone includes myself, my husband, 2 teenage girls, 2 teenage boys, a 21year old boy, a 10 year old girl, an 11 year old boy, and an 8 year old boy, plus various friends who have spent the night - never less than two!) ready for the early Mass i am usually the last one in the shower. i get up plenty early. i should take it then, but i don't because i don't want to wake up my sleeping husband. i slip quietly out of the room and start the coffee. i step out onto the porch to enjoy the beautiful morning and thank God for the stillness and quiet beauty of the mountains. i go down to the basement to start a load of laundry. i go back to the kitchen where i unload the dishwasher. Yea! the coffee is done! i pour a cup to sip as i start ironing church clothes. one shirt done, skirt done, pants done, oh wait those have a stain, i go get another pair from the closet. iron those, then a dress. Oh - time to make the rounds and wake everyone up. upstairs i go, knocking on doors, opening doors saying Morning Sunshines and time to rise and shine. i am greeted by groans and covers pulled back over the heads. my little girl is the only one who bounces out of bed with a "morning momma!" back downstairs, i pour another cup of coffee and take it to my husband. back to iron another shirt. back upstairs saying a little more forcefully Get up, get UP, its getting Late. a few feet hit the floor. a few more covers get pulled over the heads. one shower starts. back downstairs. finished the ironing. another shower starts. come on boys wake up. eat something before church. go get dressed. "hey mom can you iron this instead?" "we are out of milk". "no we aren't sweetie, there is more downstairs go get it". "oh mom i have to go all the way down there?" "yes dear if you want milk for your cereal you do!" "nah i don't want cereal will you fix me eggs instead?" short answer no. back to the bedroom to make sure my husband is up. yep he is and in the shower. back upstairs to pull the covers off the teenage heads. lets go, get dressed, we are leaving in 40 mins. back downstairs. i really need a shower. nope my husband is still in the bathroom. ok back to the kitchen, no wait laundry, downstairs to put the load in the dryer and another in the wash. "MOM we are OUT of towels!" i sigh and pick up the basket of fresh from the dryer towels. hhhhhmmmm nice and warm and soft. perfect for drying off after a shower. upstairs i go. hey thanks mom. another shower starts. no you cant wear that to church, its too short. well you ironed it mom. yeah well i didn't know it no longer fit you! go change. but i don't have time to change i have to wash my hair. GO CHANGE! okay okay but can you iron something else for me? I have to go wash my hair. sigh - sure bring it here. Its getting late, maybe i can pop in the shower real quick - nope my shower still isn't free. ok - this time i holler up the steps - GET UP we are leaving in 25 and we will NOT be late! more feet hit the floor and i hear showers start. "MOM i cant find my shoes!" look under your bed, in your closet, in the car, look anywhere but where they are SUPPOSED to be. no you cannot wear those brown shoes with your black pants. wait - how did those pants get so short?? ugh - go get another pair and let me iron them. hurry hurry hurry. "I SAID GET DRESSED!" 20 mins to walking out the door. gotta take a shower NOW! turn the water on, jump in and ya-whee!! ITS COLD! if i wasn't awake before i am now! its a quickie. teeth chattering i jump out. shoot i didn't bring a fresh towel. i dry off with the damp one my husband used. gel in the hair, teeth brushed, swish the mascara wand, throw on a dress, grab my shoes, im ready. lets go, lets go, who is driving? no you don't need to drive too, there is no sense in taking 3 cars to church. squeeze in with your brother. "lets GO!" " im coming im coming," "mom i cant find my other shoe!" "then wear a different pair". "but i want to wear these sandals". "come on lets GO!" out the door. everyone in the car, last check make sure no one is left behind...........
i have to admit - i'm grumpy on the drive to church. i'm frustrated that i have to stay on to everyone constantly to get up and get ready. shouldn't they be eager to go to church and get themselves up and ready without me having to harass them? iron their own clothes? Since i'm the one that takes the least amount of time to get ready shouldn't i at least be able to get a hot shower? i know i could and should do the ironing the night before - and sometimes a miracle happens and stars align and i do get it done the night before but i'll admit its rare. (Saturday's hold their own sort of chaos.) i could take my shower saturday night. sometimes the stars align and miracles happen and i do. but more often than not - its cold then too!
we get to church and i'm still grumpy. i go straight into our pew and kneel to pray. "Lord help me to not have a grumpy heart" my children one by one file into the pew. i keep shifting and sliding to make room. the last one finally squeezes in. its hot in church and we are stuffed like sardines in a can. i look at our overflowing pew and peace fills my heart. it was an effort to get everyone up and motivated to get to church on time. but as i look at the shining clean faces, catch an eye or two and get a smile, peace of heart returns. (and as the temperature climbs in church i am suddenly thankful that everyone got a shower!) i realize that in return for taking a cold shower i got all my children and their friends to church to give honor and glory to our God. i wouldn't trade that feeling for all the warm showers in the world!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Mothers
What makes a mother? Well the obvious answer is a girl that's had a baby. but that's not all it takes........
It was with some trepidation and dread that i approached mother's day this year. I've been having a really hard time this year with missing my dad. the second year is harder than the first for me. the grief is still deep and fresh, yet because "enough time has passed" society is no longer accepting of the breakdowns that still threaten so i put on a brave, stone, smiley face and i push the grief back down. somehow i push on doing my duties and holding the grief at bay. i often wondered why losing my father has been so hard for me to bear. it finally hit me that when i lost him, i really lost both my mom and my dad. from the time i was 7, my daddy was the only parent i had. he was both mother and father. he was the recipient of all the mothers' day cards i made every year in elementary school. he was the one who taught me to bake bread, grow a garden, count back change, milk a goat, process a chicken, can, make jelly. he was the one who signed all my papers and report cards and permission slips. he sat with me doing homework. gave me medicine when i was sick. took me on hikes, came to as many of my ball games, school events as he could. disciplined me, taught me how to change a tire and the oil in a car. he taught me to pray. he took me to church. he taught me the value of hard honest work. all the good and useful things i know how to do i learned from my dad. he was the one constant, unchanging thing in my life, my anchor. i learned so much from him, but i didn't learn how to be a mother.......
I always said i would NEVER have children! never say never cause God has a tremendous sense of humor! i am a mother to 10 beautiful, smart, crazy, hardworking, loving, frustrating, forgiving, happy, unique, amazing souls.
So what does it take to be a mother? what fine line separates the "good" from the "bad"? if one grows up with a "bad" or absent mother does that mean they are doomed to repeat the cycle? is the ability to be a "good" mother already imprinted on our DNA from birth? these are questions i don't know the answers too...... but this is what i do know from experience......
Being a mother is hard work. it is often a thankless dirty stinky job. in the wee hours of the morning pacing the floor while holding a screaming baby that nothing will pacify can often drive a "good" mother to think the unthinkable. it is a demanding sometimes unrewarding job. we get doors slammed in our faces. we get the silent treatment. we get yelled at for not understanding. we get the eye roll. unreasonable demands are placed upon our bodies and our time. being a mother means sleepless nights and worried frowns and countless tears. why would anyone in their "right mind" choose to be a mother? its no wonder some mothers choose to walk away.
Being a mother is an absolute joy! the first smiles and coo's. all the first milestones. the hugs and fistfuls of grass and dandelions. the thank yous and i love yous. the times my kids choose to hang out with me. the feeling of pride that wells in my heart as i watch my children succeed. being a mother means giving until i feel empty and then finding myself refilled to overflowing. its shared ice cream cones and snuggles on the couch. its private jokes and laughter and silliness. its cheering until my voice is gone at sporting events. its celebrating their achievements and drying their tears. being a mother means that i have shared in creating miracles. being a mother is my greatest accomplishment.
I'm not perfect. i make mistakes. i say things i shouldn't to my children. I'm impatient. i lose my temper. there are days when i know i have been a totally "bad" mom. there are days I'd give a kings ransom for some "me" time. but those moments thankfully are few and far between. i love being a mom. i guess for me its just been a learning process. i have learned that i am going to mess up and i am going to make mistakes. that there is no such thing as a perfect "good" mom all the time. there are going to be days when i am that "bad" mom. I've learned to not expect so much of myself or others. I've learned the value of saying I'm sorry. I've learned the value of counting to ten and walking away. I've learned that i am both a "good" and "bad"mom. I've learned that children are resilient and very forgiving. I've learned that each day with my children is a new beginning, a building block, a stepping stone, a bridge, a blessing. and I'm thankful God has a sense of humor!
It was with some trepidation and dread that i approached mother's day this year. I've been having a really hard time this year with missing my dad. the second year is harder than the first for me. the grief is still deep and fresh, yet because "enough time has passed" society is no longer accepting of the breakdowns that still threaten so i put on a brave, stone, smiley face and i push the grief back down. somehow i push on doing my duties and holding the grief at bay. i often wondered why losing my father has been so hard for me to bear. it finally hit me that when i lost him, i really lost both my mom and my dad. from the time i was 7, my daddy was the only parent i had. he was both mother and father. he was the recipient of all the mothers' day cards i made every year in elementary school. he was the one who taught me to bake bread, grow a garden, count back change, milk a goat, process a chicken, can, make jelly. he was the one who signed all my papers and report cards and permission slips. he sat with me doing homework. gave me medicine when i was sick. took me on hikes, came to as many of my ball games, school events as he could. disciplined me, taught me how to change a tire and the oil in a car. he taught me to pray. he took me to church. he taught me the value of hard honest work. all the good and useful things i know how to do i learned from my dad. he was the one constant, unchanging thing in my life, my anchor. i learned so much from him, but i didn't learn how to be a mother.......
I always said i would NEVER have children! never say never cause God has a tremendous sense of humor! i am a mother to 10 beautiful, smart, crazy, hardworking, loving, frustrating, forgiving, happy, unique, amazing souls.
So what does it take to be a mother? what fine line separates the "good" from the "bad"? if one grows up with a "bad" or absent mother does that mean they are doomed to repeat the cycle? is the ability to be a "good" mother already imprinted on our DNA from birth? these are questions i don't know the answers too...... but this is what i do know from experience......
Being a mother is hard work. it is often a thankless dirty stinky job. in the wee hours of the morning pacing the floor while holding a screaming baby that nothing will pacify can often drive a "good" mother to think the unthinkable. it is a demanding sometimes unrewarding job. we get doors slammed in our faces. we get the silent treatment. we get yelled at for not understanding. we get the eye roll. unreasonable demands are placed upon our bodies and our time. being a mother means sleepless nights and worried frowns and countless tears. why would anyone in their "right mind" choose to be a mother? its no wonder some mothers choose to walk away.
Being a mother is an absolute joy! the first smiles and coo's. all the first milestones. the hugs and fistfuls of grass and dandelions. the thank yous and i love yous. the times my kids choose to hang out with me. the feeling of pride that wells in my heart as i watch my children succeed. being a mother means giving until i feel empty and then finding myself refilled to overflowing. its shared ice cream cones and snuggles on the couch. its private jokes and laughter and silliness. its cheering until my voice is gone at sporting events. its celebrating their achievements and drying their tears. being a mother means that i have shared in creating miracles. being a mother is my greatest accomplishment.
I'm not perfect. i make mistakes. i say things i shouldn't to my children. I'm impatient. i lose my temper. there are days when i know i have been a totally "bad" mom. there are days I'd give a kings ransom for some "me" time. but those moments thankfully are few and far between. i love being a mom. i guess for me its just been a learning process. i have learned that i am going to mess up and i am going to make mistakes. that there is no such thing as a perfect "good" mom all the time. there are going to be days when i am that "bad" mom. I've learned to not expect so much of myself or others. I've learned the value of saying I'm sorry. I've learned the value of counting to ten and walking away. I've learned that i am both a "good" and "bad"mom. I've learned that children are resilient and very forgiving. I've learned that each day with my children is a new beginning, a building block, a stepping stone, a bridge, a blessing. and I'm thankful God has a sense of humor!
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